in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
