Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
