Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
