Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
