This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i believe in u and ur pee
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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