he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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