I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
