Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
