Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
