the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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