if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
