I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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