after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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