she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
