I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
