I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
