theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
