At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
