Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
