how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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