There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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