It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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