Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
