I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
