respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
