Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
