someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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