she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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