I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
