even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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