Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
