the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
