I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
