I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
