he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
did i walk over a car last night?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
