yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
