Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
this hospital has no fireball
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
