fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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