Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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