Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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