I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
