Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
