she smelled like a LAN party
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
