yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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