He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
