Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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