We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
