So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
