you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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