I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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